Trigger Warning: Miscarriage and Loss
On April 6th, 2021, everything started out as just a normal Tuesday. It wasnt just a normal Tuesday we found out later that evening- this was the day that we lost Jesse. Somewhere in the middle of cooking dinner, wrangling a toddler and trying to restore some sort of order to the chaos that has become just a normal part of every evening I made a trip to the bathroom and my heart sunk. The loud and chaotic sounds and excitement that was filling my house faded in my mind and was replaced with tears and anxiety. Filled with questioning why and trying to reassure myself with the hope that maybe it would be okay even though I knew in my heart at that moment that my sweet babe had passed. The following weeks were a whirlwind of appointments and blood tests and scans and more scans to ensure that my body was processing its loss in the way it was designed to. The way that God designed a woman's body to process loss. He know's the plans He has for us.
Maybe your grief is fresh and you are still reeling from the blow. Or maybe you have long buried your sorrows and shame in the back of your mind. Whatever it is that has happened or how long you have been coping with this pain there is always strength and hope to be found in Christ.
For me this grief felt like I was drowning in an ocean that started within me. Like the pain was coming up out of my now empty womb and washing over me, leaving me feeling heavy, weak and overwhelmed. Then all of the questions started, that I later found out were normal. What have I done wrong? Why is this happening to me? Is God punishing me? How will I ever go on with life? How could a loving God let this happen to me?
Becasue miscarriage is a grief that so often is unspoken, these questions eat away in the hearts and at the souls of so many women from all different walks of life. You do not have to shoulder this burden alone. In our weakness we can rest in the strength of Jesus.
It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
Maybe you feel God's quiet companionship as you go through your grief, or maybe you have just heard the words "no heartbeat" and you feel further away from Him than you knew you could. There is no roadmap to grief. No handbook to tell you how to feel, or for how long. No instructions given to us on how to share this pain with others. I wish I could tell you that you will feel God's nearness when you need it most, but I can't. What I can tell you is that He is there even if you can't feel His presence. He is upholding you, strengthening you because He cares for you.
There are no words that I can share with you that are greater than those God has given us in the scriptures so I will leave you with those, and I pray that you may feel the nearness of God in your loss and go forward in your grief with hope.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. (Jeremiah 29:11)
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. (Revelation 21:4)
He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3)
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. (Psalm 34:18)
And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you. (John 16:22)
These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. (Isaiah 41:10)
For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18)
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philipians 4:19)
For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. (1 Peter 5:6-7)
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